Ten Wildebeests in a Teacup (johnboze) wrote,
Ten Wildebeests in a Teacup
johnboze

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All at once now to save time:

So here's a new thing, I'm typing this journal entry in WordPad before going online, thus saving valuable internet time. This has been a fine Saturday. Start off with a haircut and walk in the sunshine. Meet some friends and chat for a while. Lunch with a beautiful woman (she may be taken, but there ain't nobody can deny she is beautiful...) and good beer. Then hang out with a completely different circle of friends in the evening watching a movie and playing with a sugarglider and chinchilla...

And how do I feel? Pretty good, all things considered. I know the messier bits of this divorce are yet to come, but I think the emotions are starting to firm up nicely for me, and that can do nothing but help when it comes time to look at the property issues and financial concerns.

So I have decided to firmly plan to take at the very least one more trip this year. I will need to work out finances and then put the plan into motion. I am fairly certain I want the trip to take me to Toronto (or maybe Montreal) but I am not going to rule out Vegas until I know for certain the money is not there.

How am I supposed to feel? I am fairly certain that I can feel however I want to feel. I feel empowered by now being solely in charge of me now, rather than being emotionally controlled into living my life to fit another person's design. Maybe I'm supposed to be dejected, morose, angst-y, or angry, but for the most part I feel none of those things to any great degree.

Boo just called and we talked for a bit while she waited for some friends to arrive. She is so cool and I'm really liking the conversations we've been having. I am mildly concerned about being too focused on the conversations, and online discourse (almost said online intercourse), but I suspect that might be some of my insecurities surfacing, because deep down I know I'm really not worth talking to, when I'm in an insecure mood anyhow... Nevertheless I have told her that if she feels creeped out by my attention she should tell me to back off, which she respected but said I was being silly...

In any case, regarding how I'm supposed to feel, I have decided to just say screw how society says a freshly-separated-soon-to-be-divorced man to act and just do what I feel like doing. And that's really nice...
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